Have Your Way (follow up)

So lately the song that I've been listening to on repeat is "Have Your Way" by Britt Nicole. It's not so much a song as it is a prayer and cry for help. It starts out,

Feels like I've been here forever,
Why can't you just intervene?
Do you see the tears keep falling?
And I'm falling apart at the seems.

Man, I feel that so deeply. Putting it mildly I've been a wreck, all because I made a stupid mistake, well multiple really stupid mistakes. And everything came crashing down all at once. It got to the point where for a brief bit of time I felt like God had completely abandon me. I still believed in Him but I just felt like he wasn't with me at all. I am ashamed I felt that way for any amount of time. But I was reminded by a close friend, I am human, I will mess up and I will get angry at God. That is a hard truth to take. I spent a long, long time praying for forgiveness. The song continues,

But you never said the road would be easy,
But you said that you would never leave.
And you never promised that this life wasn't hard,
But you promised you'd take care of me.

And that wrecked me even more, as if I wasn't already wrecked enough. God had already forgiven me, he forgave me for the mistakes I made in the past and he forgave me for turning my back on him, which I did even if I didn't intend to. God never left me, not at all. He brought me through, well still bringing me through. It's like a hungry toddler. To that kid he's hungry and he thinks that it's the end of the world and that his parents are the worst people in the world for letting him be hungry. But the parents know that he won't starve, they won't let him starve to death and they know dinner is only a short time away. The kid has no concept of that, just that he's hungry and wants food now. I'm that kid, I feel that pain now and it hurts. I don't know what my Father has in mind for the future. It's hard to remember that there is a plan. The song goes on

So I'll stop searching for the answers,
I'll stop praying for an escape,
And I'll trust you, god, with where I am,
And believe that you will have your way.
Just have your way.
Just have your way.

Again, straight to my heart. It's the point where she realizes she needs to refocus her prayers. All she needs is to trust in God. It's easy to say but putting that into practice is really hard, it sucks. I need to pray that God's will take hold of my life and that I make him the center of my life and my actions. It doesn't make the hurt go away, it doesn't even make it hurt any less, but it does give be a small glimmer of hope that it will pass. And this pain will pass, that's His promise. I need to just trust in God and lean on him. It's a struggle at times, I struggled with it today even. I just have to get through it one day at a time.